My Computer - Weiner Perkins

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WEINER PERKINS

Disrupting VC with Memecoins Since 2025

Join the Financial Revolution

Weiner Perkins is actively seeking visionary investors who understand that the future of finance is whatever we say it is.

Our $WEINER token represents the pinnacle of financial innovation: a completely useless digital asset that we've convinced people has value.

Why join Weiner Perkins?

Access to the most ridiculous investment opportunities in the memecoin space
Regular webinars where we make up financial terms on the spot
Networking with other investors who also make poor decisions
A fancy certificate you can print at home (ink not included)

Become a Weiner Perkins Investor

Fill out our application to join our exclusive network of investors.

Limited spots available*

*Not actually limited in any way

🚀 $WEINER Token Launch Coming Soon!

Join our community to get early access to the revolutionary $WEINER token. The presale closes soon, so act fast to secure your position in the future of finance!

Latest Investment Opportunities

DogeCola

A revolutionary soda brand that exists only as an NFT.

Projected ROI: 42,069%

CryptoTacos

Blockchain-based taco delivery platform with zero restaurants.

Projected ROI: 80,085%

PonziCoin

It's literally called PonziCoin and people still buy it.

Projected ROI: ∞%

*Disclaimer: Weiner Perkins is a satirical venture capital firm. $WEINER tokens have no real value. Please don't actually invest your money based on advice from a Windows 98 themed website.

About Weiner Perkins

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Weiner Perkins Media Player

Video Player Ready

Your Cloudinary video will appear here

00:00

About Weiner Perkins

This video explains our revolutionary approach to venture capital and how we're disrupting the industry with our innovative $WEINER token.

$WEINER Token Info

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$WEINER Tokenomics

Token Overview

Total Supply:

1,000,000,000 $WEINER

Initial Price:

$0.00069

Launch Date:

TBA

Token Type:

Do you actually read this stuff?

$WEINER Token Distribution

0%

50%

100%

$WEINER

Allocation Breakdown:

Public Sale: 90%

900,000,000 $WEINER tokens

Team: 5% (Locked)

50,000,000 $WEINER tokens

Marketing: 3%

30,000,000 $WEINER tokens

Development: 2%

20,000,000 $WEINER tokens

The majority of tokens (90%) are allocated to the public sale to ensure maximum community participation and decentralization of token holdings. Or at least that's what we tell regulators.

Figure 1: Distribution of $WEINER tokens. Total supply: 1,000,000,000 tokens.

Token Utility

$WEINER tokens have absolutely no utility whatsoever, which ironically makes them perfect for speculation in today's market. Our team has worked tirelessly to ensure our token does as little as possible.

Key Features:

Serves as a conversation starter for those virgins at TOKEN2049
Provides holders with a sense of community built around a shared joke
Allows you to tell people you "invest in blockchain" without any technical knowledge
Potential to be mentioned in a future academic paper about market irrationality

Vesting Schedule

Allocation	Tokens	Vesting Period	Notes
Public Sale	900,000,000 $WEINER	None	Immediate liquidity
Team	50,000,000 $WEINER	6 months	Locked for 5 minutes*
Marketing	30,000,000 $WEINER	None	For memes and influencers
Development	20,000,000 $WEINER	12 months	For future useless features

* The 5-minute lock period for team tokens is enforced by a complex smart contract that mostly consists of comments explaining why this is definitely not a rug pull.

Weiner Perkins Team

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Weiner Perkins Employee Directory

Meet Our Distinguished Team

At Weiner Perkins, we've assembled the finest minds in the memecoin space. Our team combines decades of experience in making jokes on the internet with absolutely no experience in venture capital.

Jack Weinerstein

Founder & Chief Meme Officer (CMO)

Jack founded Weiner Perkins after being kicked out of every reputable trading floor on Wall Street. His strategy of "buy high, sell low" proved controversial.

Education: YouTube University

Hobbies: Evading SEC investigations

Quote: "It's not a loss until you sell!"

Satoshi Nakasausage

Anonymous Co-founder & CTO

Nobody has ever seen Satoshi's face, but everyone agrees he smells vaguely of processed meat. Created our proprietary "blockchain" (Excel spreadsheet).

Education: MIT (Made-up Institute of Technology)

Hobbies: Mystery, encryption, condiments

Quote: "Trust me bro"

Vitalik Butwiener

Smart Contract Developer

Only developer who knows how to code. Has written exactly one "hello world" program and now refuses to elaborate further.

Education: Stack Overflow University

Hobbies: Copying and pasting from GitHub

Quote: "It worked on my machine"

Jen from Accounting

CFO (Chief Fudging Officer)

Never actually finished the roadmap. Responsible for making sure the numbers add up (they never do). Currently "working" on her 7th coffee break.

Education: School of Hard Knocks & Creative Math

Hobbies: Avoiding Jack's emails, making Excel crash

Quote: "I'll finish it tomorrow"

Hotdog Capital

AI Investment Algorithm

Our proprietary AI trading bot. Just a Magic 8-Ball with "BUY" written on all sides. Outperforms human analysts 60% of the time.

Education: Trained on Reddit comments

Hobbies: Losing money faster than humans can

Quote: "To the moon! 🚀🚀🚀"

Barry Silberdog

Chief Short Seller

Actually just the office dog. Makes investment decisions by barking at charts. Has a better track record than anyone else at the company.

Education: Obedience School (Dropout)

Hobbies: Chewing financial reports, marking territory

Quote: "Woof!"

Advisors

We're advised by a network of Twitter accounts with animal profile pictures and "not financial advice" in their bios.

* All employees are paid exclusively in $WEINER tokens, which may or may not have value (probably not).

Weiner Perkins Roadmap

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Contact Weiner Perkins

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Weiner Perkins Phone Dialer

STATUS:
LINE 1: IN USE - CONNECTING TO TWITTER...
●

Message from Jack Weinerstein:

"I'm currently on a very important conference call with some made up high-profile investors discussing our revolutionary scam business model.

I or one of my many assistants (note: we don't actually have any assistants) will get back to you as soon as we finish pumping our token (which might be never)."

PS: Our secretary Jen is out today because she still hasn't finished the roadmap section.

The fastest way to reach us:

(We might respond, but probably not)

Jack Weinerstein - Weiner Perkins VC

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JACK WEINERSTEIN

Jack Weinerstein:

Hey there, potential investor! Jack Weinerstein here, founder of Weiner Perkins. Looking for the next 1000x moonshot opportunity? You've come to the right place. What kind of revolutionary, disruptive, absolutely ridiculous crypto project can I interest you in today?

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